The past post got me thinking about breakup songs. The song I listened to during the breakup memorialized by that post was awesome. It powered me through some workouts. It was not the kind of song that stands the test of time – it was one of those angsty emo rock kind of things that will flicker out of popularity any day now – but it was what I needed right then. I remember there were times when I listened to it on repeat, and it seemed to heft me bodily up out of my chair and get me onto that treadmill/into the library/making some dinner – whatever mundane thing I had going on – and get me through it. It was a great coping crutch.
I CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. This is so weird. I’ve been thinking about it now for days, and I cannot remember the name, the band, the tune, the words, nothing. I MUST figure out what this song was, because trying to remember it is taking up a whole lot of primo space in my brain.
In a corollary, I heard a song on the radio the other day that powered me through another relationship woe – Tracy Chapman’s The Promise. I felt all the old sadness well up again, tears actually sprang to my freaking eyes. It was really tied to some deep and abiding old pain, a pain I clearly recall when I hear the song. The weird thing here is, I cannot remember which old pain. Was this a breakup? A long distance relationship? I DON’T REMEMBER.
I’d better write down my damn name before I forget that. I am thirty-two, people, not ninety-two.
As long as I’m mostly losing memories of long-dead sorrows, I guess I’m cool. The problem is, these are things I don’t remember, so HOW DO I KNOW whether I’m remembering things I forgot, or whether I forgot to remember things I used to know but forgot? Why am I writing this nonsense right now?
Oh. I have a paper due in twelve hours. That’s why! At least with all my swiss cheese memory issues, I can still remember how to procrastinate!