True as it Can Beeeeeeeee

It’s a tale as old as time.

The woman decides she wants a change.  She begins cutting things.  Soda.  Cream.  Sugar from her coffee, and eventually half and half.  Meat.  Then salad dressing, sauces, mayonnaise on sandwiches.  She exercise 40 minutes a day, 4-5 days a week – either running or cycling first, then lifting weights.  She takes the stairs, always, parks far from the store’s front door, always chooses to walk instead of drive.  Eventually, she . . . she begins to look at her alcohol consumption.  Even this, this heavenly crutch, eventually has to go.  In two months, she winnows down five pounds.

The man goes to the gym a couple times a week for a couple weeks, and then one morning chirps from his perch on the bathroom scale – “Hey honey!  I lost five pounds!  Awesome!”

And then the woman shoots the man.

The end.

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6 Responses to True as it Can Beeeeeeeee

  1. dinei says:

    Ugh. Yes.

  2. AA says:

    Word. That crap makes me hate my husband.

  3. secretstar77 says:


    The man belongs to a pretty awesome independent gym (to which the woman does not belong: she prefers the autonomy of the Fitness and Recreation Center where she works) and is doing a cool sixty-day challenge and his clothes are falling off even though he hasn’t cut his alcohol consumption one bit, and then one day as the woman is grumpy and disheartened and struggling to button her jeans, the man (TRULY trying to be helpful without a whif of d-baggery) says, “Do you set challenges for yourself at the gym? I’ll bet that would help!”

    And the woman stops speaking to the man for hours.

  4. Amanda says:

    OR, the man stops drinking coke and looses 5 pounds.

    But the inverse of that, why is it soooooo freeeakin hard for the man to stay neat and trim when all it takes to loose 10 pounds is to look at yourself funny in the mirror? No excuse gentlemen.

  5. Amanda says:

    I cannot even believe how many times I spelled lose wrong. You should delete my comment so I don’t look like an idiot.

  6. Proto Attorney says:

    Do you still have the gun? I’d like to shoot him again on your behalf. My husband does the same damn thing. He can eat a salad and go to the gym twice and lose 20 pounds. I starved myself for 6 months to lose 20 pounds, and I’ve since gained 10 of it back. Asshole. Aargh!!!

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