It’s a tale as old as time.
The woman decides she wants a change. She begins cutting things. Soda. Cream. Sugar from her coffee, and eventually half and half. Meat. Then salad dressing, sauces, mayonnaise on sandwiches. She exercise 40 minutes a day, 4-5 days a week – either running or cycling first, then lifting weights. She takes the stairs, always, parks far from the store’s front door, always chooses to walk instead of drive. Eventually, she . . . she begins to look at her alcohol consumption. Even this, this heavenly crutch, eventually has to go. In two months, she winnows down five pounds.
The man goes to the gym a couple times a week for a couple weeks, and then one morning chirps from his perch on the bathroom scale – “Hey honey! I lost five pounds! Awesome!”
And then the woman shoots the man.