Valentine’s, Updated

I was going to do a survey of Valentine’s days with my Valentine, when I retrieved from the dusty recesses of my brain the memory that I had already done that.  (It was on a shared blog I wrote with some college friends, called the Wonder Women, and I miss doing it!  I migrated it and all of my WW posts over here.  But anyway, that’s why the pseudonyms are different.)

I’d love to update you on what happened in 2009, but it appears to have passed by me without comment on this blog, and how else am I supposed to remember?  2010 was similarly unremarkable.  On February 14, 2011, I wrote the masses asking for advice on what law school class to take.

Apparently, we are not Valentine’s people.  This observation is not belied by our planned activities for this evening – - I will be attending a class til 8pm, and The Professor will be loading his float.  No, that’s not a euphemism – the parade he rides in rolls tomorrow, so all of the riders go to some secret spot downtown and pile on all of their beads and plush throws.

Romance.  We haz it.

Anyway, Valentine’s day has been eclipsed by Mardi Gras, and that’s totally cool with me.  When we have more money and see each other less (i.e. next year), I will probably want to have some sort of date in honor of the holiday, but right now I’m just looking ahead to tomorrow, when we get to shout for the Professor as he rolls by in his parade!  Maybe he’ll throw me a plush heart.  Meanwhile, I’m fairly certain I have some sort of red construction paper creation waiting for me at home, from my other dear little Valentines.  From them and me to all of you – Happy Valentine’s Day!

A heartfelt "cheeeeeese"!

 

Posted in Holidays and Celebrations, Like a Horse and Carriage | 2 Comments

MILP Roundup #239

Magic Cookie dazzles with her first go at the MILP roundup*, and solidifies her status as overachieving multitasker!

*MILP Roundup = a weekly look-see at what all the Mothers In the Legal Profession are doing out here in blogland.  If you’d like to be added, let any of us rounder-uppers know via email or comment!

Posted in MILP Roundups | Leave a comment

CDing

This here is going to be a (short) primer on cloth diapers, so if that ain’t your bag, then I’ve provided this link as an alternative activity for your next few minutes.  (Hat tip to dooce.)

There are fifty zillion of these here blog posts in the world, but I feel I’ve something to offer on the topic in the form of simplicity.  Go read Amy Storch’s three part series here, then here, then here for every iteration known to man (amalah has an admitted CD addiction problem – there is even a part FOUR).  Go here for a more varied set of viewpoints from Snickollet’s copious comments from others, which you aren’t likely to get in my much quieter corner of the blogging neighborhood.  Come to me for the very basics, and read me first, because those other links will have you drowning in a sea of information you never thought you needed, and it perhaps would make you give up before even trying.  This post will be link-heavy, and I don’t vouch for any of these links.  My brand (to which I am v. loyal) is Fuzzibunz, and I can give a shout out for them, but that’s it!  (Oh, and I’ve tried Thirsties diaper covers, and they sucked.)

I cloth diaper(ed) both of my children. The motivation was equal parts The Poverty and The Love of The Earth.  No amount of poverty or tree-hugging would be enough for me to keep this up, however, if it wasn’t surprisingly easy.  Which it is.  If you take one thing away from this, take that – cloth diapering takes approximately 1% more time than paper diapering, costs a great deal less, and OMFG the diapers are SOOO CUUUUUUTE!  You can even save money on clothes, because you’ll never want to dress your child’s bottom half.  I taught all of our various babysitters to use them, and since they’re just as easy to put on and take off as a disposable, it’s never been a problem for other caregivers.  (I do the foul washing job my own self, though!)

The other thing you should take from this is that while it is easy, and cute, and can also be a little fun, it’s also gross.  If you’re a parent, gross shouldn’t phase you . . . but I cannot deny that cloth diapering causes you to revisit your child’s excrement after you’ve already cleaned it off his bum, and that’s the biggest downside.

Basic Types (of which I am aware)

When I was little, my mom cloth diapered us (the first four – by the fifth baby, she embraced disposables as enthusiastically as she would the Second Coming).  She would pin some Chinese prefolds to our butts, then pull on a pair of plastic pants over it.  That’s not really how it works anymore – for the most part, you put them on just like disposables, using snaps or velcro, no pins required.  They’re also much cuter now.  We Americans – we are shallow people.  If you make it cute and customizable, we are more likely to buy!  CDs (keep up with the text-speak, people) come in several basic styles, which are:

1. Pocket diapers.  This is what I have, a brand called Fuzzibunz.  I love my fuzzibunz.  A pocket diaper is two pieces of cloth sewn together with an opening at one end.  It’s shaped like a disposable dipe.  The side that touches the baby’s butt is soft and absorbent – the other side that faces the world is leakproof and can be cute and colorful.  They usually either have snaps or velcro, and some have a sort of complicated snap/velcro deal that lets you make legholes bigger or smaller – ergo, letting the dipe grow with the baby.  By itself, a pocket diaper would absorb virtually no liquid – you have to stuff absorbent things into it for it to work.  There are a zillion stuffers/inserts out there, made of all different kinds of fibers, but we just use Chinese prefolds, which you can buy cheap from Target and wash with the diapers.  Pros: (1) As your kid (and his bladder) gets bigger, you can stuff more and more into them, so they grow with your kid. (2) They have snaps or Velcro, so they’re easy to put on and take off.  Cons: (1) You have to pull the stuffers out to wash, which means sticking your hands down in a sopping wet, possibly poopy pocket. (2) You have to re-stuff before using, which adds a little time.

2. All-in-ones.  These are just like a pocket diaper, except they’re prestuffed and sewn shut.  Pros: (1) No stuffing and unstuffing!  The easiest system for a household where both parents work outside the home.  (2) Snaps/Velcro make using them a breeze.  Cons: (1) If your kid is a heavy wetter, tough luck – there’s no way to add more absorbent stuffing to it.  (2) From what I hear, they take a while to dry.

3. Fitteds plus Covers.  From what I understand (I have none of these), this system mirrors the system of Olde that my mom used, except they’re a littler easier and a little cuter.  A fitted diaper is a soft absorbent piece of cloth, shaped like a disposable, with snaps or Velcro.  (You can also get fitteds without snaps, and either pin them to your kid Olde Style, or use something called Snappis, which look to me like those things people use to keep ace bandages on.)  You put this diaper on your kid, and then you get a leakproof cover and put that on top.  Pros: (1) You can reuse covers as long as they don’t get poop on them – less washing.  (2) You can get differing levels of absorbency, which means versatility.  Cons: (1) You have to keep squirmy wormy baby still for enough time to fasten two diapers to him.  (2) Keeping track of the different levels of absorbency of your stuffers could be a pain.  *Side note – you can also just buy Chinese prefolds, fold ‘em up, lay them inside the cover, and snap it on.  I have three Thirsties covers, and this is the method we use.  It’s not my favorite.

That’s it.  You can mix and match these in infinite ways – put an all in one over a fitted, put a fitted under a pocket, blah blah blah.  I’ve never really deviated from my fuzzibunz pocket dipes with inserts, but I could have!

How many?

Firstly, I didn’t start with the kids til they were 2 months old or so.  Newborns go through like 15 diapers a day, and they grow very quickly, so it wasn’t economically feasible to buy enough dipes to fit an 8 pound baby and keep him in clean ones all day.  And adding an unnecessary load of wash to a newborn parent’s life is just not worth it, to me.

I suggest having two dozen.  I bought one dozen Mediums for Jack, and that’s all we used for a year and a half.  I wouldn’t recommend it, but dipes are a bit pricey and we were way poor, so I just washed like a fiend.  Once Jack needed a larger size, I bought one dozen Larges.  For everyone who can count out there, that means we now have two dozen, and that’s perfect for one kid.  (Liam can wear both sizes still – Jack is potty-trained now.)  I wash every 2-3 days.  Fuzzibunz now come in “The Perfect Size,” which is a one size fits all that really grows with your kid, but back in my day they had sized ones.  They work fine, there are enough snaps and things to let you adjust it to your baby’s proportions (in my kids’ case, CHUBBY legs, slimmer tummies).

Washing

Each diaper system will come with its own set of instructions.  Some people buy fancy soaps, buy wet diaper pails or dry, soak or don’t soak – there are as many iterations of washing as there are iterations of diapers.  I keep it simple, and none of my children have died of worm or skin maladies yet.  I dump the poop in the toilet and put all the dipes into the Diaper Champ, a dry diaper pail, which I have lined with a normal old garbage bag.  When I wash, I unstuff them all and throw them into a pre-rinse.  Then I run them through a hot wash with an extra rinse.  I just use our normal household detergent – Gain – though a little less than I normally would for a load that size, because detergent can build up and make them less absorbent.  Then dry in the dryer, and done!  Occasionally to combat stink, I will soak the inserts for half an hour in the pre-rinse water with some bleach.  (Don’t bleach your diapers, or they will lose color and softness.)  I also have “charged” them before to remove stink – charging (aka stripping) is a way to get all of the leftover detergent and stuff out of them.  Just google it, you’ll be fine.  Finally, as time goes on and I get less afraid of ruining them, I’ve started adding 4 scoops of Oxi Clean to every fourth wash or so.  I don’t want to be too hard on these hardworking pieces of cloth, so I don’t Oxi Clean every time, but hitting them hard once in a while with a deep cleanser keeps them from getting too stinky.

Night Time

Cloth diapers don’t leave Baby feeling as dry as disposables do, so the kids have always worn a disposable at night.  I couldn’t have an “icky wet diaper” feeling waking them up – heaven knows, they wake up at every darn thing as it is.  Other people find that CDs work fine at night, too, so bully for them.

Other Things of Note

(1) Disposables. We always have disposables in the house, because there are those days when I find myself out of clean cloth dipes, and a kid has a poopy bum!  I’m disciplined enough that these don’t make me lazy.  If you feel guilty about this, you could always get G diapers – the earth friendly disposable.  I just buy Pampers, G diapers are expensive.

(2) SO GROSS. I’m going to go there – maggots.  If you don’t dump your poop before putting it in the pail, you could get maggots, especially in the summer.  Super gross.  Dump the poop immediately.  (Also, if you think that’s gross, rest assured that your disposable diapers sitting in their diaper pail probably have maggots, too, you just don’t have to see them.)

(3) Daycare.  Our daycare providers have always happily used these systems, since they don’t have to clean them and they’re as easy as disposables to put on and take off.  But definitely check.  I’d be willing to do a little foot-stamping to try to force my daycare to use these – they really are easy, and so much cheaper.

(4) Wipes.  You can use cloth wipes, too, and wash them with the diapers.  We don’t – we use flushable disposables.  Using cloth wipes requires some sort of wetting-the-wipe system, and The Professor wasn’t keen on this, so in the name of compromise, we go with disposable wipes.

(5) Travel. I use cloth when traveling to somewhere that has laundry (like visiting family at Christmas).  I use them for day trips, too – I had a waxy lined cloth bag that kept the stink out (I lost it recently, gotta get a new one!)  But if we’re traveling to a hotel, for example, then we just do disposable.  It’s a stink-thing – carrying around a heavy bag of stinky diapers in our car-that-has-no-trunk is not my bag, baby.

Any Questions?

Posted in Jack, Liam, Nature Loving Hippy | 2 Comments

Distracted

I just read an article about being a distracted parent.  It was a bit overwrought in my opinion – MAN, do twenty first century parents really know how to beat ourselves up – but its point is one I take.  And even before I read this article, I knew that this topic was the parenting topic to which my attention needed to turn.  This parenting gig – heck, this being a living responsible adult gig – is just a mess.  I feel like I am forever turning this way and that, shoring up the sagging areas, leaving behind something that I’ve finally tinkered and perfected to awesomeness which is now just going to fall apart as it loses my attention.  Don’t we all feel this way?

Anyway, this particular sagging area is all about being distracted by your electronic devices.  And I’m guilty as charged.  And I don’t even HAVE an iPhone yet – nor a job that requires me to check one frequently!

Our excessive home computer use isn’t wholly without reason or purpose.  We are two parents with (essentially) full time jobs and only part time child care.  There are afternoons where TV does some babysitting while we work nearby.  This is how it has to be sometimes – it just does, and I can’t apologize for that.  I’m earning this degree to get this job in large part to take care of my responsibility for these children, after all.  I must be able to give these kids everything they need, and a lot of things they want, and goddamm if Jack didn’t already break his glasses.  I can’t buy my clumsy three year old fifteen pairs of glasses in a year without an awesome job to pay for them.  (He’s also about to lose a tooth that he damaged.  Will he have to get a bridge?  Time will tell . . .)  And by keeping our child care at a bare minimum, we saved almost $40,000 over three years.  I calculated this once.  I am not exaggerating.  $40,000 more debt avoided.  (PS CHILD CARE COSTS – WHAT UP, DUDE??  RIDICULOUS these days, especially if you live in a city.)  Doing a cost-benefit analysis, in our imperfect situation, I think we made the best choices we could.  The kids can suffer a little too much tv now and then.

Also, when we are at home there is virtually always a child awake.  Due to their non-synced naps and nighttime schedules – in part dictated by external scheduling forces, and partly by their own little internal clocks – we always have one or the other hanging out with us.  Jack goes to bed at 9 or so, and sad to say we follow almost immediately after.  (Liam gets us up so early, you see!)  If one of us is going to indulge in messing around, a kid will probably be about observing that messing around.

Thirdly, we have The Poverty.  There is no money for going to dinner, going to bars, going on vacations, going to movies, going anywhere together that requires a babysitter . . . the other day I went to my bestie’s birthday downtown, and felt so guilty for buying a beer and a ticket to a concert that I nearly didn’t go.  The Professor was invited to this coed affair but didn’t come with me, because buying TWO beers and TWO concert tickets, not to mention a babysitter, would have been an indulgence well beyond our means.  This is the last year of this, but still – our only diversions these days are messing around on the internet or watching Netflix, with the occasional splurge on taking the boys out for pizza.  Everybody needs some kind of outlet, be it reality tv, an awesome bottle of wine, or a half hour on facebook.  Becoming parents didn’t erase that need, and I feel like it’s ok to show my kids that I take time for myself.

Finally, my internet time-wasters of choice – that is, facebook, blogs, and occasional twittering – are not wholly without value.  These aren’t the McDonald’s fries of my computer time “diet” – there are some important connections that I’ve made and nurtured here that make me a fuller, happier person.  Writing this blog, and interacting with the people who read it and write in their own spaces, has become so vital to my continuing happiness that I just can’t imagine life without it.  And facebook really takes very little of my time, while allowing me to keep up with so many people I know and love in real life, people who I rarely get to spend real time with.  I keep my friends list pared down to actual friends, and I get to see pictures of their babies, hear about their jobs, and when they go through something tough, I can learn about it and send private messages of support.  It’s vital to my staying connected in the real world.

BUT.

These excuses take me only so far.  Whole afternoons have gone by where I was in charge of the children and trying to work, but they were too whiny for me to get anything substantive done, so I messed around reading blogs instead.  And the children – my lovely boys, my super duper sons – were RIGHT THERE, begging to play with me.  The reason I know that this distraction issue needs my attention is some of the behaviors they’ve started to exhibit.  They punch the laptop.  They flop their arms across the keyboard.  Liam grabs the screen and wobbles it back and forth – Jack tries to climb onto it and put himself between my face and the screen.  He’ll say  ”Mama.  Mama, listen to me.  Listen Mama.  No more with the ‘puter.  Please listen.  OK Mama, I need to go potty.”  And suddenly I snap out of my computer-induced hypnosis and realize that he’s been asking me to take him to the potty for five minutes, and I was just murmuring non-responses to get him to go away and leave me to my addiction.

I mean, if that don’t break your heart, you ain’t human.

The only solution here is to make some hard and fast rules for myself, to stick to them, and to familiarize the children with them. If I genuinely need to work, I canNOT have those little chubby arms sabotaging me by banging on the keys.  And there will be times when I must do work while the kids play nearby.  But I need to earn their cooperation by agreeing not to just waste time on the internet when they are in my care.  If I’m not the Facebooking-Mom-Who-Cried-Wolf, I think I can teach them to respect the time that I am legitimately working.  But that’s hard.  This genuinely is like an addiction, and trying to structure some sort of healthy relationship with my internet while resisting binge-internetting is going to be a challenge.  Also, sometimes what they want to do is boring.  It straight-up is.  And those of us growing up in these digital years have lost our ability to be bored.  (Going to my friend’s birthday downtown, I had to ride the streetcar WITHOUT A BOOK.  I had nothing to read, no phone to play with, nothing to do but stare out the window.  I obviously survived, but I was sort of unpleasantly startled by how much I dreaded the very prospect of an unproductive, non-distracted half hour in the streetcar.)

So anyway, I’m not going to beat myself up about past behavior, but I am going to try to change it.  Step One – figure out a structure that encompasses my need to work, my need for some virtual connection time, and my responsibility to give my darlings an adequate amount of time with my full focus that they is optimally healthy for all of us.  I’ll get back to you once I’ve made those decisions and moved on to Step Two.  Whatever that is.

Posted in Jack, Liam, Navel Gazing (and I Don't Mean Oranges) | 3 Comments

MILP Roundup!

The Mothers in the Legal Profession blogroll – a list of awesome women, many (all?) of whom went to law school with children (or had one while in law school) – does a weekly check-in with how everyone is doing.  Considering I’ve been on this list for years, I’ve decided to throw my oar in and host once in a while.  It rotates between 6 or 7 of us now.  It was at Kate’s this week, and next week at Magic Cookie.  I’ll have it in mid-March sometime!  Woot!

*If you are a mom in law school or in the law and would like to be added, send me an email or write a comment and I’ll get ‘er done!

Posted in Law School, MILP Roundups | Leave a comment